do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
