Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
