shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
