The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
