no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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