I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
