Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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