with your own penis?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
