How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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