My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you had me at cake vodka
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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