thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
