So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
