I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
