She's JV to your varsity
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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