Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
