Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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