i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
