I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
