Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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