the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
