I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
