Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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