i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
