He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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