worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
