Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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