Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I cannot find my penis.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
