He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize