why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
