So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
