I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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