just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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