you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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