Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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