no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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