Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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