Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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