Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to sanitize my soul.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
