Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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