This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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