is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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