I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
