Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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