I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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