Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
As shirtless as possible
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
