We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
