when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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