Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
