fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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