Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
