she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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