At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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