I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
