So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
