$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Drunk is not a location!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
