so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
