I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He uses pillows to masturbate.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
40s are totally the cure
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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