"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
