Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
