Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
