These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
