So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize