Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
