I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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