I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
