3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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