i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
