Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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