All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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