You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When are your genitals available?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
