so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
