is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
