So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
