I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i need to put some appletini on your dick
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
